“ Originally Posted by gadget945 
”
you are sooo kewl.
Thanky to all.
I am going to get the texts as soon as possible.
This is not the first time this has happened. It's taken a while for us to give her back a phone. We went over the rules, and she just slowly got back her privileges to do stuff and have friends over. I honestly thought that she would be okay at her grandmother's house. She has been making good progress, I don't know what happened to her.
She does have a sense of entitlement, and that is partially my fault.
I could blame my mother, society and a whole slew of other things, but the bottom line is that she thought she could get away with it and got caught. This is just one time that I know what happened. What about all the other times that she did stuff and I didn't know about it?
The thing that gets me is the counselors and therapists have all been pointing the finger at me, I'm too strict, I need to give her some leeway or she'll just rebel more; all of that stuff.
Well, I have come to the conclusion that regardless of what she has, if she doesn't know she has to follow the rules at home, then she won't follow the rules any where else. I refuse to let her run wild, and I don't care what anyone else says.
She's already ruined one guy's life, he's 24 and doing 5 years for being with an adolescent. He will be deported upon his completion, and if found in the US again, it will incur federal time. He didn't know how old she was, and she told the investigators that she never told him how old she was.
I really am at a loss as to what to do with her, other than make sure that she knows that I love her and that I am only concerned with her safety and well being. I worry about her future and I want her to have all the things I never had. She says that she understands all this. So, the conclusion that I have come to after 12 hours of contemplation is this - she may hate me, but she knows I love her. She will follow the rules and do what is expected of her. If she doesn't, then she will be miserable, but that is her choice to make. If she can choose to have sex, then she can choose whether or not to follow the rules.
I will first admit that I only glimpsed through this thread and that my response here will probably not be the best, but what i can say is this:
DO NOT let everyone tell you that you are too strict. There's an old saying, "you made your bed, you have to lie in it" and that's exactly what she needs to do. She needs to understand that the world is not all about what she wants to do. Sometimes you just need to be hard on them, because as a parent it's not your job to be her friend, it's your job and your responsibility to be her parent. To help her learn how to make the right decisions, and to teach her that there are consequences for the wrong decisions.
If you're worried that maybe you are being too hard and that it'll ruin her, let me give you a small insight... My parents were very harsh on me. When I did bad in school and brought home d's or c's i had everything taken away from me. When I shot my mouth off at a young age, i got my ass whooped, at a later age i was give 100 push ups at a time. I once thought I could stand up to my parents, I got my ass beat like you wouldn't believe. I was forced to buy my own stuff (not food and clothes, but things I wanted), and when i got in trouble, they did nt go easy on me.
As a result, I am now 22, have had at least 2 very successful jobs and am working on my 3rd, have my own apartment that I share with a room mate, drive my own car, have never been in trouble with the law, and have already learned the necessaries of life that can only come from being responsible.
Did I hate my parents back then, absolutely, and today I wouldn't have changed a thing.
Basically what I'm saying, is not to let anyone point the finger at you and say you're being too hard.