man this week has sucked

[1LOMOFO]

Ok well as a few of you have may noticed i just havnt been here for the last week and i just need to get this crazy sht out. Well my girl moved out on 5-31-09 and moved in with her mom and took our two kids with her, anways she said that our communication hasnt been there and yesterday she told me she thinks we need to have the option to see other people. I stayed calm but as we just had a baby two months ago and she going through post pardom depressoin, I know shes feeling mixed up and confused. But if she is fee;ing this way should I just sit and wait for her or just move on and see whats out there for myself?

What do you guys think?

[tlpalmer01]

well how do u feel about her, if u are questioning yourself about the relationship and she feels the way she does maybe it may be for the best..i will say it is not always best that the parents stay together for the children ( my parents did that)..u have to do what makes u happy and take some time to really think about it because u deserve to be happy............hope this helps......

[1LOMOFO]

“ Originally Posted by tlpalmer01 ”

well how do u feel about her, if u are questioning yourself about the relationship and she feels the way she does maybe it may be for the best..i will say it is not always best that the parents stay together for the children ( my parents did that)..u have to do what makes u happy and take some time to really think about it because u deserve to be happy............hope this helps......

It does help, thank you . I have thought us over, and even if we didnt have two great kids together, I'm still wanting to be with her. And I've told her that I'm there for her no matter what.

[iamdasht19]

“ Originally Posted by 1LOMOFO ”

Ok well as a few of you have may noticed i just havnt been here for the last week and i just need to get this crazy sht out. Well my girl moved out on 5-31-09 and moved in with her mom and took our two kids with her, anways she said that our communication hasnt been there and yesterday she told me she thinks we need to have the option to see other people. I stayed calm but as we just had a baby two months ago and she going through post pardom depressoin, I know shes feeling mixed up and confused. But if she is fee;ing this way should I just sit and wait for her or just move on and see whats out there for myself?

What do you guys think?

wow first of all im sorry to hear that happened to you especially so close after having a baby together. i think i would hold out for a little bit if you truely love her and care for her as i feel that you do just to make sure that its what she wants. but if she starts seeing other people do the same. take some time to think and reflect on the issue and be sure of your answer before making any moves that you may regret.... your a good guy and wish you well..... hell i got this weekend off and dont live far maby we can chill and as always you have my number feel free to hit me up if you need to talk.... get the new devicde sent to me tomorrow so all will be good with that

[tlpalmer01]

she is a lucky woman to have someone like u in her life....hopefully she can work past what is driving her to move into her moms and want to see other people....

[1LOMOFO]

“ Originally Posted by D/\SH ”

wow first of all im sorry to hear that happened to you especially so close after having a baby together. i think i would hold out for a little bit if you truely love her and care for her as i feel that you do just to make sure that its what she wants. but if she starts seeing other people do the same. take some time to think and reflect on the issue and be sure of your answer before making any moves that you may regret.... your a good guy and wish you well..... hell i got this weekend off and dont live far maby we can chill and as always you have my number feel free to hit me up if you need to talk.... get the new devicde sent to me tomorrow so all will be good with that

thanks matt, i appreciate your input and friendship man.

“ Originally Posted by tlpalmer01 ”

she is a lucky woman to have someone like u in her life....hopefully she can work past what is driving her to move into her moms and want to see other people....

ya, she also said that she feels that she she has lost herself, and I'm just in panic mode and dont know if I can help her. I'm just so scared, I love here so much and really dont know what to do.

[tlpalmer01]

my husband walked out on me almost 2 years ago, as i begged him crying for counseling he refused and said he wanted out, mind u a few months after my dad died unexpectedly, and i thought my life was over but i have survived with alot of depression but i am still alive so i guess what im trying to say is just give her alittle time and support but if things dont work out the way u want u will still be ok even though u may hurt....

[iamdasht19]

“ Originally Posted by 1LOMOFO ”

thanks matt, i appreciate your input and friendship man.


ya, she also said that she feels that she she has lost herself, and I'm just in panic mode and dont know if I can help her. I'm just so scared, I love here so much and really dont know what to do.

what i would do is take it easy for a few days for sure and dont iniate any contact between you two and let her do the calling if she decides to for the first couple days than give her a call and ask fhow she is doing but dont bring up the issue.... bringing up the issue too early when it is still fresh can make these worse. you have to decide between the two of you when you want too discuss it otherwise one person may end up hurt or upset. im not saying never bring it up but give her some time. im a big believer in destiny, everything happens for a reason and cant be avoided, to me i feel like life is almost pre-planned per instance since god is guiding you and your just following the trail that he left for you.

[tlpalmer01]

“ Originally Posted by D/\SH ”

what i would do is take it easy for a few days for sure and dont iniate any contact between you two and let her do the calling if she decides to for the first couple days than give her a call and ask fhow she is doing but dont bring up the issue.... bringing up the issue too early when it is still fresh can make these worse. you have to decide between the two of you when you want too discuss it otherwise one person may end up hurt or upset. im not saying never bring it up but give her some time. im a big believer in destiny, everything happens for a reason and cant be avoided, to me i feel like life is almost pre-planned per instance since god is guiding you and your just following the trail that he left for you.

dash u are absolutely correct about that god is guiding and i have learned that sometimes your path and what u want are 2 different things....

[Longfist]

Hi m8,
From what i read here this is not an easy way to just say how the outcome wil be.....But i seen something in the same way with myself and others.
If she says she needs time to relax and think and perticipate and talk with other,u should let her do for a wile.But dont shut down all communication.
Leave a distance but let her feel you are there and care.
Normaly if she feels the same way as you,she will give you a signal where u should respond to.Probably she has done this when u was still together.
But because if you work tomuch and spend alot time on other things u start to forget the most importent thing.
Whatever u do in a situation like this wich is frightning..dont panic.
Because this is the worst thing u can do,dont freak out try to get yourself together analise the situation and think of the best way to get this situation stabile.I hope i helped u a little with this,i dont know the exact siruation but i dont wont anything bad to happen.
grtz

[Sh0wNuF]

“ Originally Posted by 1LOMOFO ”

thanks matt, i appreciate your input and friendship man.


ya, she also said that she feels that she she has lost herself, and I'm just in panic mode and dont know if I can help her. I'm just so scared, I love here so much and really dont know what to do.

first of all, I'm sorry to hear about this bro and if you want my two cents stay with her. Postpartum depression can be a freaky thing and there really is no telling where her moods are gonna shift. I don't think her moving out with you is a result of something you did or didn't do but is a reflection of the depression. My advice would be to give her some some space but stick with her, stay by her side and stay strong for your children. Try talking to her mom on getting her counseling if she isn't already. Hopefully when she is "healed" of her postpartum depression then she will see how you stood by her side and love you even more. And I would hold off on seeing other people until you know for sure that you guys are through because, dealing with her postpartum depression, you dating could mess with her emotions even more and cause irrepairable harm to your relationship.

[smw]

Really sorry to hear this, but it is good to see that there are sincere people here that are willing to give advise from their heart. I really dont think I could add any more than what has already been posted. Stay true to your heart, and if it where me Id take the time to look at myself and see where I could improve. Hang in there bro and remember no matter what you have two beautiful children which will need and love you forever. Im wishing/hoping for the best for you my friend.

[parna1973]

oh man i just wish u the best..but go with your heart dont let nothing change your feelings..just be strong and be there for her eventually that depression will kick back again to normal..theres been alot of cases like that takes a while..but if u love her ull wait and be patient and be supportive..but that again thats my take wish u the best buddy..

[angiekay]

also, sorry to hear about your situation, and I must say that these guys here surprisingly have gave you awesome advice and I commend all of you for your comments, most guys would be just like "whatever!" and can't wait to get in the next girls pants............I guess that's just my opinion and experiences (I have the greatest knack for chosing guys, really)

But, YES, stick this thing out, you obviously care/love her a great deal, and not just b/c she's the mother of your children, it's more than that, I can tell by your comments..........be patient, and as the other guys have said, please don't go out and "be" with anyone else, b/c when you two do get back together that would only cause friction and trust issues (even tho you are "separated", doesn't matter to a woman)

STICK IT OUT, and things will come around..............patience is key here.......good luck..........

[gadget945]

I am really sorry to hear about what you've got going on. Glad she went to her parents' house, so you know the kids are safe.

Don't mean to play devil's advocate here, and I can't really tell anything since I don't know how old y'all are. How long y'all have been together, etc.

I will tell you that postpartum depression is a clinical term for something that may have ties to an imbalance in body chemistry. Having a baby at any time in life is just a tad bit tiring. Has she seen a doctor?

Communication - call once a day, just to check on the kids, diapers, formula, offer to help out. Send her an email, tell her you just want to check on the kids. Offer to take the kids for a day, or something like that. Offer to take them to the doctor's, there's a checkup due for the newborn.

Here's the devil's advocate part - she may be acting like this because of guilt. I know that no one else has mentioned this, but it is possible that she is acting like this because of something that she has done. I've had to deal with women like this in the past. The guys are all great guys, willing to do anything, give her all the space she needs, and the kids are home with the grandparent's and she is out partying. I had the unfortunate task of letting my homeboy know what was up. She denied it of course, but I had no reason to lie about it.

I am not saying that this is what is going on. What I am saying is - DONT BEAT YOURSELF UP. Sure, be there for her and your kids. Offer to do what you can. Tell her that if she hasn't "found" herself, you don't think she can find it with someone else; but you can't control what she does. Tell her that you don't want anyone else, and that you aren't going to do it, what she does is up to her.

Talk to her parents, if possible, to let them know that you are willing to help out in any way, if they feel that they can call on you, it might help everyone. My only concern is the children, the parents have a tendency to forget that even babies can pick up on tension, and it can affect their health.

Don't want to make anyone mad, just wanted to put my two cents in. Amazingly it mirrors the situation with my son and grandson. My son's girlfriend is a real piece of work.

[1LOMOFO]

Well you guys, I guess we mark this as solved. This morning I was going through my phone bill and kept seeing a # pop up and her text was up to 1977. I called the number and it was some dudes voice mail. I left a message, asking that me and the kids would like to know is there having an affair. Never called back. Called her best friend and asked if she had heard of him and she did and knew that martha was the persewer. I seen it on the phone bill, she was calling him. So i called her and told her i knew and thanks for all the effort in us and the kids(4 total 2 from ex wife) Then I canceled her phone But ya know what... now that its all in the open me and the kids can start the healing prosses and just start our routine. I dont have to see her for a while because family is going to help with the boys pick up and drop off.

Over all, im so happy I knew not to marry her.

[gadget945]

Glad to hear that you are handling the situation well. Hope that you and the kids are all safe and well.

[tlpalmer01]

its good that u found this out now..dash says everyone has a fate and that is what intervened...you will be better and find someone in time that u deserve.........

[iamdasht19]

it will still hurt dont get me wrong since i was engaged for a period of time and got cheated on and happened to walk in on the whole thing...... but over time you will realize more and more that everything will be ok and that you will find someone new..... your buddies will push you to go out to the bar and say get you a new girl shake it off, just shrug it off since its gonna keep coming and make sure you dont get too trashed where yo may let down your guard on what you want. just sit back dont forget the good times you teo had together and relax and enjoy life for a while, it made all the difference for em even though children werent involved.

wish you the best of luck my friend.

dashy

[smw]

Glad to hear you found this out and have an answer to it all. Well Im sure she will find out that the grass is not greener on the other side. Sounds like kids and cars to me, cars have helped in the past to keep mind off of bs. If you ever what to bs let me know Ill find the time my friend.

[crazaytalent]

Damn bro, sorry u goin through this bullS**T... its a tough situation, and I know u say issue solved... btu id still leave u w/ this peace of advice.... You loved/love her for a reason and at a time she felt that for u to... post partum is a ***** and makes women do some really crazy shit... trust me i know, and chances are, her cheating can be reprecutions as such.... if she aint ready or interested in gettin help or tryna change u gotta let her do her... but as the mother of ur children and out of respect for what she goin through and what yahlll had, stay respectful, as best u can (pain not withstanding) support her through what you can... but u cant wait around for her move on... and do u... through all of this... u may find where ur heart truly belongs and if shes is it, yahll will come back to gether... if its meant to be... and if not, youll find someone truly deserving of you, but ull still be on good term w/ ur babys moms for the sake of ur kids... maybe even be friends cuz she will know ur love was real... i hope u manage to get through this tough time... and like the saying say goes... if u love something let it go... if it comes back its yours...if it dont, it never was!.... your a good dude... and ull get through this....

peace and blessings bro!

[1LOMOFO]

“ Originally Posted by crazaytalent ”

Damn bro, sorry u goin through this bullS**T... its a tough situation, and I know u say issue solved... btu id still leave u w/ this peace of advice.... You loved/love her for a reason and at a time she felt that for u to... post partum is a ***** and makes women do some really crazy shit... trust me i know, and chances are, her cheating can be reprecutions as such.... if she aint ready or interested in gettin help or tryna change u gotta let her do her... but as the mother of ur children and out of respect for what she goin through and what yahlll had, stay respectful, as best u can (pain not withstanding) support her through what you can... but u cant wait around for her move on... and do u... through all of this... u may find where ur heart truly belongs and if shes is it, yahll will come back to gether... if its meant to be... and if not, youll find someone truly deserving of you, but ull still be on good term w/ ur babys moms for the sake of ur kids... maybe even be friends cuz she will know ur love was real... i hope u manage to get through this tough time... and like the saying say goes... if u love something let it go... if it comes back its yours...if it dont, it never was!.... your a good dude... and ull get through this....

peace and blessings bro!

man you are so right on! I've been talking to her best friend that has been talking to her and she said that martha is just as confused as i am and she is going to ask her if she is interested and ready to talk to a couples councelor. And I would like it to. I'm not perfect and ya I brought and have a lot of issues i brought into the relationship and just had them barried. My first wife cheated on me, we worked it out, then she did it again, we worked it out again, then she told me she loved my brother and then left for some other guy. I was done and barried my feelings. Then one of my girlfriends died in a car accident when i was on the phone with her, i barried the pain again. And after a lot of thinking, I dragged old issues into our relationship just as she did with a few she told me about. We both have issues and for the first half of our relationship the world was perfect because we had each other and we loved each other qualities, and we have talked about it in the last week. The balls in her court now for the counceling because I told her friend I'm all in and willing.

[iamdasht19]

“ Originally Posted by 1LOMOFO ”

man you are so right on! I've been talking to her best friend that has been talking to her and she said that martha is just as confused as i am and she is going to ask her if she is interested and ready to talk to a couples councelor. And I would like it to. I'm not perfect and ya I brought and have a lot of issues i brought into the relationship and just had them barried. My first wife cheated on me, we worked it out, then she did it again, we worked it out again, then she told me she loved my brother and then left for some other guy. I was done and barried my feelings. Then one of my girlfriends died in a car accident when i was on the phone with her, i barried the pain again. And after a lot of thinking, I dragged old issues into our relationship just as she did with a few she told me about. We both have issues and for the first half of our relationship the world was perfect because we had each other and we loved each other qualities, and we have talked about it in the last week. The balls in her court now for the counceling because I told her friend I'm all in and willing.

word thats a great perspective to have right there, keep an open mind and dont let anyone tell you that you are wrong.... you seem like a great dude and im just hours away so if you need anything you got my number..... and also if you need to know some good ones im in counseling right now (not for couples though) and i could ask for some good ones in your area of the state.

[1LOMOFO]

“ Originally Posted by D/\SH ”

word thats a great perspective to have right there, keep an open mind and dont let anyone tell you that you are wrong.... you seem like a great dude and im just hours away so if you need anything you got my number..... and also if you need to know some good ones im in counseling right now (not for couples though) and i could ask for some good ones in your area of the state.

ya I'm going throught the fazes. In the past I would just say, ok it's done and I'm moving on, but with all of your guys and gals support and thoughts it has really made me think things out and not just go crazy. THANKS SO MUCH!! ya if you could ask, I would appreciate it bro.

[iamdasht19]

“ Originally Posted by 1LOMOFO ”

ya I'm going throught the fazes. In the past I would just say, ok it's done and I'm moving on, but with all of your guys and gals support and thoughts it has really made me think things out and not just go crazy. THANKS SO MUCH!! ya if you could ask, I would appreciate it bro.

yeah ill ask him and see what he can do name wise for ya

[crazaytalent]

“ Originally Posted by 1LOMOFO ”

man you are so right on! I've been talking to her best friend that has been talking to her and she said that martha is just as confused as i am and she is going to ask her if she is interested and ready to talk to a couples councelor. And I would like it to. I'm not perfect and ya I brought and have a lot of issues i brought into the relationship and just had them barried. My first wife cheated on me, we worked it out, then she did it again, we worked it out again, then she told me she loved my brother and then left for some other guy. I was done and barried my feelings. Then one of my girlfriends died in a car accident when i was on the phone with her, i barried the pain again. And after a lot of thinking, I dragged old issues into our relationship just as she did with a few she told me about. We both have issues and for the first half of our relationship the world was perfect because we had each other and we loved each other qualities, and we have talked about it in the last week. The balls in her court now for the counceling because I told her friend I'm all in and willing.

Yeah man I feel u... we all got our burdens we deal w/ and carry day to day and bring w/ us... in gerneral, so i know how stuff can weigh on relationships... But they say what doesnt kill us makes us stronger, especially if your willing to face it and learn from it, u grow and become better for next time... learn how to make better choices, as well what expected of u etc... Its great that ur open to do w/e u need to do, to grow as and indiviual and for the sake of your relationship... this is whatll help bring yahll back together or whatll make u stonger, beter faster (6 million dollar man)...and have an even better relationship next time... maybe find the one, that we all would be lessed to find bro!

[tlpalmer01]

the joint counseling if she will go is a great idea, my ex wouldnt go, u will only make yourselves better...